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The New York Times is full of dream jobs: Pete Wells gets paid to eat at restaurants; Sebastian Modak is about to travel around the world; Will Shortz is living his eighth-grade dream of making a career out of puzzles. But my job is the most fun of all.
I am The Times’s go-to cleaning contributor. (Yes, one exists!) Most people, when they hear the word “cleaning,” do not immediately think of fun, but, truly, those people are missing out. I do all manner of work related to cleaning: big, broad-scope guides on how to clean your entire home; narrow, niche articles about things like caring for Halloween costumes (you’ll want to get another use out of that Sexy Gritty ensemble, naturally); and reported features in which I get to the bottom of why all vintage clothing stores smell like, well, vintage clothing stores.
You will, of course, want to know how I got this way and what, exactly, qualifies me to do this work. Well, I know an awful lot about cleaning, and I’ve been writing about it for almost eight years for publications including Esquire and Jezebel. I’ve been working with The Times since 2017. But more important, there’s a combination of empathy, humor and a desire to solve problems that makes me especially suited for this job. I’m a fixer. A family member once said, awed after I’d intervened in a Thanksgiving cooking disaster in the making, “Jolie, you’re like the Wolf from ‘Pulp Fiction.’” It’s the greatest compliment I’ve ever received.
You might be surprised to learn that, like “Pulp Fiction,” being a cleaning expert is hilariously profane. (Here comes the part where you begin to understand, or understand not at all, based on how much you enjoy a dirty joke, why I’m so certain I have the most fun job at The New York Times.) Your lives are quite often booze- and sex-soaked; even more often, because of toddlers and college students and pets, they are pee-soaked. And you write to me about these problems! I find it endlessly fascinating and amusing and also quite touching to be trusted with your messy lives.
In your hands, even the most mundane of household furniture, the humble couch, can be fodder for hilarity, as one reader recently demonstrated. His email opened chirpily enough, “Hi Jolie!” Then, a turn toward the dark: “I’m currently stuck to my couch, so I figure it’s time to solve this mess.”
As it turns out, the joy in reading about cleaning isn’t really in the solutions themselves, though they can be funny. (Using a paste made of meat tenderizer — the unseasoned stuff, please! — for removing set-in blood stains from mattresses? True story!) Rather, it’s in marveling at the marvelous messes people have made for and of themselves. And so, you read. (Or listen, if you’re a podcast enthusiast. I have one of those! It’s called “Ask a Clean Person.”)
Here’s the downside to my job: I cannot be all things to all people. This hurts me in the tenderest part of my tender heart, because, truly, the joy of the job — other than the joy that comes along with the voyeurism of learning how, exactly, you fused your rear end to the sofa — is helping people. But I can know only as much as you tell me; absent the richness of a full life’s context, my advice will always be imperfect. I do, however, endeavor to provide solutions and options that fit three sometimes opposing criteria: the best solution to a problem; a budget-friendly approach to cleaning and caring for your belongings; and an eco-friendly and/or nontoxic option, because that matters to a great many people.
But those burdens are mine, and mine alone, and as we’ve established, your burdens are much more interesting. So let’s return to the matter of the viscous couch. The problem, you see, was that its owner, in a misguided attempt to restore its good looks, had doused the cushions in leather conditioner, and then placed them on his roof to bake in the sun. He essentially seasoned it like a cast iron skillet! The solution, then, was to head to the kitchen for a Dobie Pad with which to scour the stickiness away — a trick I learned about from spending, oh, a few thousand hours watching car detailing videos on YouTube and can now pass onto you. But should you find yourself stumped in the face of a cleaning conundrum, don’t fret! Just write to me.
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【萧】【燕】【儿】【还】【好】，【她】【大】【概】【猜】【到】【了】【一】【点】，【脸】【色】【难】【看】【道】：“【陈】【先】【生】，【难】【道】【昨】【天】【晚】【上】，【你】【真】【的】【杀】【了】【北】【冥】【守】【的】【弟】【子】？” “【什】【么】？” 【江】【琉】【璃】【嘴】【巴】【大】【张】，【她】【昨】【晚】【睡】【的】【跟】【死】【猪】【一】【样】，【根】【本】【就】【不】【知】【道】【别】【墅】【旁】【边】【发】【生】【了】【战】【斗】。 【江】【琉】【璃】【惊】【呼】【道】：“【陈】【宁】【你】【太】【不】【够】【以】【前】【了】，【昨】【天】【晚】【上】【出】【去】【打】【架】【竟】【然】【不】【叫】【我】【去】【看】。” 【萧】【燕】【儿】【气】【道】：“【琉】
【毕】【玄】【本】【想】【提】【议】【趁】【东】【方】【晟】【还】【没】【来】，【把】【寇】【仲】【他】【们】【擒】【住】，【但】【是】【却】【被】【吉】【言】【拒】【绝】【了】。 【毕】【竟】【他】【们】【还】【要】【在】【中】【土】【混】，【这】【么】【不】【要】【脸】【的】【事】【情】【是】【不】【能】【做】【的】，【而】【一】【个】【人】，【毕】【玄】【也】【不】【敢】【去】，【所】【以】【此】【事】【只】【能】【作】【罢】。 ………………………… 【三】【天】【时】【间】【很】【快】【过】【去】【了】，【这】【三】【天】【独】【孤】【凤】【很】【不】【好】【受】，【说】【什】【么】【休】【息】【三】【天】【都】【是】【骗】【人】【的】，【这】【段】【时】【间】，【独】【孤】【凤】【彻】红姐心水坛【选】【择】【冥】【界】【地】【图】，【传】【送】，【眼】【前】【景】【物】【变】【换】。 【事】【实】【上】，【冥】【界】【的】【场】【景】【和】【阿】【尔】【法】【所】【料】【相】【差】【无】【几】。 【用】【两】【个】【字】【概】【括】，【就】【是】“【阴】【森】”。 【通】【红】【的】【太】【阳】【高】【挂】【在】【天】【上】，【没】【有】【一】【丝】【的】【温】【度】，【只】【起】【照】【亮】【的】【作】【用】。 【可】【以】【直】【视】，【不】【会】【刺】【眼】，【看】【久】【了】【会】【发】【现】【这】【颗】【太】【阳】【不】【会】【动】，【就】【干】【杵】【在】【那】。 【天】【空】【上】【除】【了】【太】【阳】【再】【无】【其】【他】，【一】【片】【云】【都】【没】【有】。
618 【认】【出】【那】【俩】【人】【正】【是】【自】【己】【三】【十】【年】【未】【见】【的】【孙】【子】，【老】【人】【捂】【着】【脸】【无】【声】【流】【泪】，【老】【太】【则】【奔】【过】【来】，【揪】【着】【孙】【子】【的】【袖】【子】，【口】【里】【想】【说】【什】【么】，【却】【因】【为】【情】【绪】【激】【动】【而】【一】【个】【字】【都】【说】【不】【出】【口】。 【俩】【老】【人】【都】【围】【着】【孙】【子】【转】，【已】【然】【把】【三】【十】【多】【年】【来】【第】【一】【次】【回】【家】【的】【女】【儿】【抛】【在】【脑】【后】【了】。 【李】【妙】【莲】【眼】【底】【闪】【过】【一】【丝】【落】【寞】，【站】【在】【门】【内】【不】【知】【所】【措】。 【唐】【希】【恩】【静】【静】【走】
【大】【白】【天】【被】【邀】【请】【进】【异】【性】【的】【书】【房】，【蔡】【贞】【的】【脸】【腾】【地】【就】【染】【上】【了】【红】【晕】… 【不】【过】【她】【还】【是】【进】【来】【了】… “【真】【是】【可】【爱】【啊】…”【崔】【博】【喃】【喃】【自】【语】【道】。 【蔡】【贞】【不】【明】【其】【意】，【问】【道】：“【嗯】？【崔】【郎】【说】【什】【么】？” 【别】【问】，【问】【就】【是】【没】【啥】！ “【嗯】！【没】【啥】！”【崔】【博】【还】【能】【认】【罪】【了】【不】【成】？“【姝】【子】【似】【乎】【有】【事】【来】【寻】【博】？【若】【姝】【子】【母】【女】【有】【什】【么】【困】【难】，【尽】【可】【提】【出】。”
“【有】【人】【来】【到】【过】【神】【羽】【族】【祖】【地】！” 【羽】【族】【主】【宰】，【月】【穹】【神】【王】【穿】【过】【结】【界】【大】【阵】，【降】【临】【神】【羽】【族】【祖】【地】。 【曾】【经】【他】【将】【神】【羽】【族】【毁】【灭】，【夺】【走】【大】【权】，【也】【大】【肆】【搜】【刮】【了】【神】【羽】【族】【的】【宝】【物】。 【神】【羽】【族】【祖】【地】【由】【于】【埋】【葬】【了】【太】【多】【神】【羽】【族】【大】【能】，【他】【们】【死】【后】【残】【留】【的】【意】【志】【与】【祖】【地】【融】【为】【一】【体】，【顽】【固】【抵】【抗】，【月】【穹】【神】【王】【一】【时】【也】【没】【辙】。 【于】【是】【他】【将】【神】【羽】【族】【祖】【地】【封】【印】【在】【羽】【化】